Back in August, just a few weeks after finally getting my CSWP, I decided to start my very first search for a job in this country using several on-line job search engines.  If you’ve ever done this, then you know how it goes: you upload your resume here and there, and receive quite a few emails every day, each with a long list of all the fascinating job offers that match your search criteria.  Of course, not all those jobs in the list really match your search criteria, and not nearly 20% of them are really all that fascinating, but well…  You also spend some time searching and leaving your resume in other places, not precisely job search engines, in hopes that it may get noticed among many others that have also been submitted that way.  Searching for the right job can become a job itself if you aren’t careful!

I’m somehow sad to report that I haven’t found my perfect job so far.  It’s not that there aren’t great jobs out there that I could do, even with my  being so rusty after so many years away from the work force; I guess you can say that I’m just being picky. I’ve gotten a few emails and phone calls from HR people that found my resume online and thought I could be a perfect match for the job they offered, and perhaps I could’ve been if the job hadn’t required for me to commute every morning to the other side of the bay, or to relocate to another state or even another country, like when I got an offer for this wonderful managerial position for a sugar factory in Mexico. Oh, my father would be so proud of me! Too bad I’m not moving from California any time soon. More often, though, the jobs that were/are offered to me would require me to tap into old skills, like my AutoCAD skills, but none of the new skills I have acquired recently. This is a huge frustration for me, because I am more than ready to do something with “the new”, and so “the old” doesn’t seem as exciting as before.

Among the job offers I’ve received, there was only one that was honestly tempting: a job as an Applications Engineer for a local SolidWorks VAR. From the job description that I was given, I liked the parts about the intensive training, getting in touch with people in the industry, and mostly, teaching, but I wasn’t nearly excited about doing demos for pre-sales and support. A few people that had worked for a VAR in the past told me about how the job was likely to be, and it seemed interesting and a great opportunity to learn, but also demanding and even a bit stressful. Taking this job also implied making a lot of changes here at home. When you have small kids, you have to think about reliable childcare for before and after school too, and if they also have special needs, you have to make sure that those needs will continue to be met, somehow. My husband tried to be supportive; but as we sat down together to discuss about it we discovered that, without a network of family and friends that could give us a hand, there were several pieces in our puzzle that were missing or just plain didn’t fit, and we were not really sure how we could pull it out at all without going absolutely nuts about it… and then what good would that be for any of us? So, I didn’t take the job. That day I discovered what many other women have discovered before me: that it’s not really possible to have it all, or at least not always at the same time. I also discovered that if you are going to make so many changes and sacrifices in life, it has to be for something that is really worth it for you, something that really speaks to your heart, and that job certainly didn’t speak so loud to mine, otherwise the story would’ve had a different ending.

I’ve been criticized for my decision not to take that particular job.  I don’t really care, because I’m OK with it and because the criticism comes from people that don’t share my values and thus can’t understand why my family is such high priority in my life, when in their own life family is at the bottom of the list or completely non-existent. Everybody is different, and that’s not right or wrong, just different.  But I do wish I can soon find the job that would be the right match for me. Blogging is nice and I really enjoy it as an outlet, as well as a way to learn and help others.  Helping others is the best part of it, actually; it’s like a shot of the purest energy every time I can help someone find a solution for a problem or need, big or small. There’s nothing better! I really wish I can continue blogging for a long time, but it’s certainly not a job and it doesn’t provide with the same opportunities for growth that can only be found through a job. I want to be like a river, keep flowing, so I can always have something new to give to others.

So, as you can see, while this first search hasn’t produced a job yet, it hasn’t been a complete failure either, since it has given me something to think about and now I know that I need to re-define my professional goals, and go for something that I really want to do and that doesn’t conflict with the things and people that are number one on my list, even if it takes a little longer and even if it doesn’t seem to others like it’s the coolest job you could ever find. Something flexible could work, like freelance or consulting kind of jobs.  Teaching, definitely, is something that speaks to my heart and that I would enjoy doing, and so I’m currently in search for an opportunity in that area. And who knows? Maybe, several years from now, when my kids are not so young any more, I will also be able to make it back to school for that Masters degree and go after my very first love: research. In the meantime, though, back to blogging, and learning, and searching, and waiting.

If you’ve made it all the way to the end of this, then you certainly are patient. Thank you very much for reading! As I said before, this blog is also an outlet from time to time…