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Archive for April 1st, 2009

Well a lot has been said already about SolidWorks engineering stimulus plan to help those professionals that have lost their jobs due to the tough times we live in update their skills and get hired again. In addition to this you will often hear of all these discounts and financing plans available at your local VAR, but truth is, despite all these efforts, for many entrepreneurs out there that wish to start their own freelance or consulting business SolidWorks remains out of reach, just too expensive. But that’s all about to change pretty soon, thanks to a new kind of license that DS SolidWorks has developed in cooperation with Verizon Wireless. Yes, we are talking about a series of affordable licensing plans inspired by what America loves and understands best: cell phones!

It’s called SolidWorks Pay as You Go; an affordable plan that offers you access to up to 150 hours per month of the latest version of SolidWorks through your computer or cell phone for less than what you would have to pay every month in order to purchase it, even through one of the best financing plans available in the market.  Additional hours may be purchased as needed or, if you are looking for a bargain, you can upgrade to the Preferred plan and enjoy unlimited sketching and only ten cents per feature between the hours of 12:00 am and 5:00 am on weekdays, and 10:00 pm to 4:00 am on weekends and holidays.  The Family Plan is also popular and for a limited time available for no extra fee, when you sign up for one year. Other services included are: bug ID, rebuild waiting, text messaging via Twitter for only five cents per tweet, free roaming (yes you are free to roam around your office screaming out of frustration every time it crashes but be aware there is an additional charge for pounding objects or yelling at co-workers), etc.

My favorite one is this cute alternative to ringtones; totally customizable sound, music or voice messages that you can use to accelerate your productivity by, for instance, reminding yourself of the due date for your project (included with the plan is a clock ticking sound and countdown with a loud cuckoo clock that goes off every 30 minutes reminding you how much time you have left), or delivering highly effective encouraging phrases every time you make a mistake, like the ever so popular, “You messed it up again, you moron!” As I said before, you can customize these messages to allow for the amount of stressors and verbal abuse you think you deserve.  Isn’t it great?

But wait, it gets better! If you upgrade to the Preferred Plus plan you get all this plus you’ll be able to use SolidWorks, hands free,  anytime, anywhere you go, regardless of whatever else you are doing at the moment. That’s right! With this plan, you’ll be able to use SolidWorks while you’re eating, watching TV, spending time with your family, driving, taking a shower, and even sleeping. Yes, thanks to a new state of the art device that will be inserted surgically in your brain during a non-painful outpatient procedure that will take place at your local VAR, you’ll be able to increase your productivity to the max by getting rid of all other unnecessary distractions and even the need for an office, a computer or a screen. Just think; you will have SolidWorks in your head twenty four hours a day!

Be aware, however, that SolidWorks in Your Head isn’t for everyone. If you suffer from heart disease, high blood pressure or are currently taking anti-depressants and/or medication to control anxiety, you should not use SolidWorks in Your Head. Individuals that have suffered from head trauma, that are pregnant of may become pregnant or that even wish to have the time to become pregnant in the future should talk to their VAR first to find out if SolidWorks in Your Head is right for them. Typical mild side effects could include: drooling, absent mind, blurred vision, migraines, palpitations, upset stomach, hives, high blood pressure, irritability, muscle cramps, confusion, blurred speech, insomnia, depression, increased appetite, rapid weight gain, extreme fatigue,  and hair loss. Other symptoms could include: kidney failure, paralysis, blindness, seizures, schizophrenia, dissociative identity disorder, epilepsy, cerebral necrosis,  heart attack, stroke and, in only a few documented cases, death. Nothing to worry about, see? It’s completely safe and will increase your productivity by 500%.

So, what are you waiting for, call your VAR right now and find out if any of these new licensing plans is right for you… Or, have a good laugh, enjoy this joke and have a happy April’s Fools Day!  Hope you didn’t believe all this baloney… J